Chapter 101: Beside you in time

It was fortunate that I had thought to cast a Silencing spell when Falorn awoke: it meant that no-one outside the groundskeeper's hut heard his scream. If my guards had come running and found me - now a vampire - bent over Falorn's bed, it would likely have been a bloody encounter.

"Falorn, settle yourself." I said, fastening the Wolfen ring, on its chain, around my neck. It was a relief to have it back. "I'm not here to hurt you - or anyone. If I was... well, you know me: I'm a straightforward person - not especially given to jokes. If I had wanted to hurt you, I would not be standing here talking to you: I would likely have killed you in your sleep."

The Bosmer leapt out of bed, but stood his ground a few steps away, staring at me.

"You say that," he replied, "and that would be correct of Master Frost - but are you really him any longer, v-vampire?"

I tried to sigh, and was only half successful, since I no longer had any breath.

"I am sorry if I startled you, Falorn... I just needed my ring back - and I wanted to let you know that I have... returned. I may be... different, now - but I'm still going to live here, and I still want you and the rest of the staff here as well."

The groundskeeper shook his head slowly, bemused and seeming to barely hear me. He looked as if he could not believe his eyes.

"I found you in the great hall last night... Master Frost." He still seemed reluctant to call me that. "You were dead. No-one knew why - but there you were... dead. We thought maybe some sickness, or poison... or..." Falorn's gaze flicked across the glowing crescent mark on my face. "It was decided to inter you in the Foreigner's Crypt outside Vivec the following afternoon."


I listened, entranced, as Falorn recounted the events leading up to my entombment. I had only been gone a day...

"We... did not know of any family," he went on; "or how to contact your friends and associates... but someone turned up anyway: a high elven woman - Sirilonwe, she said her name was."

I started at the name.

"Sirilonwe!" I exclaimed. "Sirilonwe came?"

Falorn gave me an odd look (more odd than the looks he was already giving my pale countenance and sharp fangs, anyway).

"Yes - I thought it strange at the time. She too wanted to ensure that you were not to be cremated; and she made us keep you covered against the sun as you were carried to the crypt." The groundskeeper's eyes slid out of focus for a moment. I could see that he was thinking; that realisations were sliding into place. "Although... not so strange now that I know... That would be why you asked not to be cremated, of course." Falorn frowned. "You certainly kept us all in the dark, eh?"

"If I had told you, Falorn, what would you have done?"

Not giving an answer to that, Falorn sighed, but remained wary.

"I have to say, Master Frost: even if you tell us all that you want us to stay, I don't know that many would. Everyone knows what vampires can do." He paused for a moment, apparently meaning what he said as a challenge of sorts. When I remained silent, he continued: "I think you will need to speak to all of us - at once - and let us know what has happened; and what will happen."

I nodded in agreement.

"Yes, I will... but not right now - tomorrow evening, I think. You can tell everyone in the morning that I've returned, though. I think knowing that I might have... attacked someone in the night - but did not - should help to persuade everyone."

With that, I cancelled the Silence spell and left the shack, weaving invisibility magic about me as the door swung shut. Hidden from detection by my archers and swordsmen ranged about the castle grounds, I leapt up to an out-of-the-way door on the battlements, and slipped into the keep.

I found my bedroll among the rest of my equipment in my chambers, and carried it down to the secret vault near the great hall. I would rest within the vault, safe - I hoped - until morning. My plan was to teleport to the Vivec Mages Guild in the morning to approach Sirilonwe... I just had to speak to her. I would do it in the daylight hours so that she would hopefully feel somewhat safer in my presence; knowing that she could escape into the sunlight if she wanted to.


I had to feed again near dawn. The blood of the mortal running through my veins had cooled and dissipated very quickly; so that only several hours after I last fed, I was again cold, sluggish and starving. Even closeted in the secret vault I could smell the change in the air that signified the approach of the morning sun - so without the luxury to do things another way, I cast Divine Intervention to bring myself instantly to the landing outside the nearby Imperial Chapel, in Ebonheart.

In one of the narrow alleyways there I found an Imperial Legionnaire, and I drank from him the same way I did the Ordinator: leaving him dazed but perfectly unhurt. The eastern horizon was glowing orange when I used the Wolfen ring to teleport back home.


Once the sun had fully risen I used the 'teleportation pillar' in the great hall to reach the Balmora Mages Guild, finding myself face-to-face with Masalinie Merian, the guild guide. When using the teleportation pillar, I always appeared on the 'guide platform' in the Balmora guild hall - and I was thankful for this: tucked away in the corner of the downstairs area, no-one but Masalinie had seen me arrive.

It turned out to be remarkably easy to persuade Masalinie that I meant her no harm. Well, perhaps I should have expected as much, given that Masalinie was friends with the frighteningly odd Scamp merchant 'Creeper'. She did seem surprised; only it was akin to the surprise one might express at seeing a long-standing, conservative-minded friend sporting a particularly daring new hairstyle.

She sent me on to the Vivec hall before anyone noticed me. I would approach the other members later; I just wanted to speak with Sirilonwe first, before she heard from someone else that I was back. Masalinie's position as guild guide made her a hub for gossip: it was likely that the entire guild (at least on Vvardenfell) would know within a few minutes that I had become a vampire.

Flacassia Fauscius, the guild guide at the Vivec guild, was fortunately not nearby when I appeared on the platform there. No-one saw me enter Sirilonwe's chambers.


As on the morning when I woke up next to Sirilonwe, the morning sunlight was streaming through the window to pool on the bed. Sirilonwe was seated on the bed, perfectly cocooned in the brilliant, glaring light. I could not come anywhere near her. In fact, the bright light gleaming on her white coat made it difficult for me to even look at her.

"So you are still with us." She said, pulling her long legs up to her chest. The shadows around her eyes were even more pronounced than usual. I wondered if she had slept at all that night. I don't know if I can truthfully say that she appeared frightened to see me - but she did look concerned. "Edward, I..."

But her voice trailed off. We gazed at each other for the longest time. I had suddenly realised that I just did not know what to say to her. I still wanted her, but... how?

"Sirilonwe..." I began uncertainly, "Falorn told me what you did - that you came to watch over me when I... when I was..."

"When you were dead." She finished my sentence for me; a hard edge to her words. "Edward, I didn't know if you were dead - truly dead - or not. I didn't know which one I should wish for, either. Can you tell me, now, which one I should wish for?"

I could not think of an answer to that; her words distressed me. Did she truly wish that I was dead - destroyed - rather than a vampire? The silence stretched on until Sirilonwe asked, quietly:

"Have you fed yet?" She paused; and I flinched. It was a dangerous question to answer. "Have you drank the blood of a living person yet?" She insisted, louder this time.

I nodded. Sirilonwe paled, looking almost sickened.

"I didn't kill anyone;" I said; "and I will not. I will not hunt and kill anyone." I went on to describe how I healed my 'victims' as I drank from them, leaving them just as I had found them.

I finished by saying:

"Look Sirilonwe, I am still myself - the same person you stayed up half the night talking to - the same person you Charmed because you were curious. I want to still be able to talk to you - and you to me."

Sirilonwe hugged her legs closer to her chest as I spoke. She did not look even remotely inclined to leave the patch of sunlight in which she sat.

"You're asking for trust - a huge amount of trust. It needs to be built again, after what you've done - and I think you'll find that I'm not the only one who feels that way. Remember, after all, how you yourself referred to vampires only a few days ago."

I nodded slowly.

"What can I do to prove myself?" I heard myself ask - but as Sirilonwe and I spoke, I found that I was gazing for long moments at her exposed skin.

I could almost see her veins pumping beneath the golden surface of her body - and I could certainly feel the warmth of her blood radiating from her in great waves, surging with every beat of her heart.

Even if she did come to trust me again, could I trust myself to be near her?